


Chapter 4: We All Fall Down

by TruebornAlpha



Series: The Road Not Taken [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Shiro (Voltron), Consensual Somnophilia, Domestic Fluff, Dreams vs. Reality, Fluff and Smut, Hallucinations, M/M, Nightmares, Oral Sex, SHEITH - Freeform, Sex, Sleepy Sex, Smut, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:06:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7777228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TruebornAlpha/pseuds/TruebornAlpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shiro's life is perfect. They have a home, a dog, the love of his life, and if he had his way, a wedding someday soon. Nothing could be better...until it all falls apart. Is Keith and Shiro's happy ever after real or are the nightmares hunting Shiro the truth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chapter 4: We All Fall Down

**Author's Note:**

> This is chapter 4 of The Road Not Taken. Start from the beginning [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7665442).

_“Shiro-”_

_“Just hold on and don’t let go.”_

Shiro groaned quietly and threw an arm up over his face to block out the bright sunlight that spilled through the window. Even with the curtains drawn, the morning sun had a way of creeping in around the edges in always the most obnoxious spot. Although Shiro complained about it in the morning, Keith liked watching the sunlight pool across Shiro’s body like liquid gold. It was his second favorite morning ritual.

The first involved more hands.

He slid his fingers down the other man’s chest, tugging back the sheets to get a better look. Even though they’d been out of the Garrison for years, Shiro had lost none of his regimented training and it showed. Abs tensed slightly at the feather light touch of his fingertips, goosebumps racing along Shiro’s skin. Keith followed the lines of his body down to the cut of his hips and leaned forward to press a kiss against Shiro’s stomach.

He was rewarded with another quiet groan, Shiro still asleep and muttering to himself like usual. Whatever dreams chased him, Keith knew the best way to wake him up. In the winter, they bundled in soft fleece and loose sweatpants, but during the hot summer months, Shiro didn’t bother going to bed wearing anything at all. All Keith had to do was pull down the sheets and he could spend hours just watching his prize.

Shiro was beautiful, thick thighs and toned muscle, the light train of dark hair below his navel that drew the eye down. For the millionth time, Keith wondered how he could have been so lucky.

He resolved to repay some of that luck.

His grip was slow at first, gently coaxing Shiro to harden against his palm as he leaned up, craning just enough that he could leave soft kisses along his partner’s sternum. Shiro had gone quiet, but his mouth parted with the promise of a sigh. Then Keith moved lower, hands spreading out across Shiro’s thick thighs to spread them, fingers pressing against a dark bruise along his hamstring where teeth had been cruel the night before. Shiro was going to feel it whenever he moved, and he felt it now, his lashes fluttering while his brow furrowed. Keith dragged his nails over it, before settling his palm between his legs to cup his balls. He squeezed them in his fist, as he licked a long wet stripe along his partner’s cock, soothing a throaty groan past his lips.

Shiro was just so sensitive, and Keith could spend all day, trying to tear every broken protest out of him.

He took him in his mouth, savoring the weight of him against his tongue, silky smooth as it glided down his throat. His musk, his taste, Keith couldn’t get enough of it, mouth watering as his cheeks hollowed out. He slicked up his fingers as he worked, sliding in where he’d opened Shiro up twice the night before, and his partner rolled his eyes, eyes still stubbornly close even as a twisted whimper spilled out of him. Shiro always loved being cared for.

Shiro’s hips stuttered, dreams shifting into something more gentle as Keith teased him. There was a fine line to keep before Shiro would wake and Keith wondered how long he could keep him like this. He carefully circled his tongue around the tip of Shiro’s cock, looking up so he could watch the way his touch played out across his partner’s face.

The older man was flushed, panting slightly through parted lips as his fingers curled into the sheets like all he could do was hold on. Keith felt proud of himself, satisfied. This was all he’d ever wanted and no one was going to take it from him.

He peppered kisses along the inside of Shiro’s thighs, like he could apologize for the previous night even if he didn’t really want to, before sucking him down again so Shiro’s hips would lift to meet him. He bobbed down until he buried his face in the coarse dark hair of Shiro’s belly, mouth tight around him as he swallowed around him and stole another deep, perfect groan. Keith twisted his fingers inside of Shiro in time with his mouth, working him from both ends until Shiro’s legs trembled.

His breath hitched, and Shiro turned into his pillow, pink lips parted so enticingly, and Keith had spent so long denying himself, he didn’t want to waste another moment. He moved up behind his partner, hips slotting into place behind Shiro’s feeling the thick swell of his ass curve against his cock. His fingers fanned over Shiro’s belly as he dragged him close, rediscovering all the ways they’d learned to fit together. He kept his other hand on Shiro’s cock, playing him for each husky moan and strangled whisper.

“Keith?” He was half-asleep, and already breathless. Keith took all that he was. His cock pressed in, where his fingers had been, opening Shiro around him so slowly. His muscles tensed beneath him in such delicious heat as Keith fucked a long, drawn out groan out of him. Shiro shuddered, when Keith ground in, his cock sheathed as deep as he could manage, filling him up as he breathed around a mouthful of cotton sheets. 

“About time.” Keith laughed. His words muffled as he kissed across his shoulders, letting his teeth drag over smooth, sweet skin as he rolled his hips, losing himself in Shiro’s silky smooth heat. He hooked a hand under Shiro’s knee, bringing it up so he had more space to thrust.

It was a slow and familiar rhythm as Shiro relaxed back against Keith, wrapping a hand around his cock to lazily stroke himself. Keith’s grip was gentle, unhurried as he took Shiro apart with every thrust. What was the rush when they had all the time in the world? He was always so beautiful like this, sun-kissed and sleepily pliant. Patience was more Shiro’s game than his own, but he’d learned a thing or two over the last decade and could turn those life lessons to good use.

“Good morning.” Keith murmured into Shiro’s ear as he gave a raspy chuckle and turned his face into the pillow.

“Mmmm, you’re the best alarm clock I’ve ever had.” His voice was soft, tightening his grip around his length as Keith fucked him down into the mattress. All of his defenses were down and after the more desperate rounds last night, his stamina was shot.

Keith shooed Shiro’s hands away from himself so he could squeeze his own gently around the man’s aching cock. Pre-cum dripped down the back of his knuckles as he swiped his thumb over Shiro’s slit before trailing his hand up to tease against his lips. They parted for him eagerly as Keith slipped one finger inside, letting Shiro taste himself as he snapped his hips to steal another groan.

He felt Shiro’s tongue glide over his skin, soft and wet across his fingertips. The sounds he made, needy and sloppy as he sucked them down, leaving spit dribbling down Keith’s palm, they went straight to his cock, leaving sparks flaring down his spine. Shiro moaned so prettily when Keith pulled out, smearing his fingers down his cheek to coax him closer. He made Shiro arch for him, putting himself on display as he dragged him into a filthy kiss.

Shiro was floating, tugged in every direction by pleasure that licked at his senses, tender and sweet but unrelenting, claiming inch after inch of him. Keith left him panting when he pulled away, a ripple of want racing through his veins until his toes curled with it.

Keith let his hands wander, following the slope of his lover’s throat, knuckles brushing against his Adam’s apple. He kept his grip open, ghosting his fingers over the same places he’d been so rude the night before. He’d lost himself in Shiro’s clavicles, leaving them angry and bruised.

“I’m sorry for this,” Keith whispered, tugging the shell of his lover’s ear between his teeth. Shiro’s answer was almost sleepily distracted, until Keith pressed his fingers into the mark and he  _moaned._

“Oh! OH!” Keith drove into him, grinding his hips as Shiro bucked and writhed beneath him, baring down on his cock like he couldn’t help himself.

Keith was the one who came first, undone in the tight, yielding grip of Shiro’s body and the practiced way he knew how to use it. Even half-asleep, Shiro always knew exactly how to ruin him in all the best sorts of ways. He panted against his partner’s back, wet with his own cum and he pulled out as aftershocks rocked through his body. He barely had a moment to recover before he shrieked as Shiro rolled him over with a growl.

The older man kissed him senseless, humping against his hip until he finally spilled across Keith’s stomach, warm wetness dripping down his abs and between his legs.

“You jerk!” Keith laughed, gasping for air as Shiro peppered kisses down his chest. 

“You’re the one who woke me up.”

“It’s after 10 am, that’s time to get up.” Keith curled into Shiro, ignoring the mess and enjoying the fuzzy afterglow.

“Maybe I like being lazy? Those kids in the Garrison can run you ragged if you’re not careful. Let me tell you, trying to keep those stubborn, sullen, brooding ones in line can be a real challenge.” He teased and kissed the tip of Keith’s nose.

“I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

“Sure you do. They’re a real handful.” Shiro said, completely unfazed by the way Keith turned away from him or the exaggerated scowl on his face. He snuffled along Keith’s jaw, making him squirm, and when Keith couldn’t quite hide a yawn, he cackled. “I thought 10 am was time to get up.”

“Maybe it’s time to shut your face.” Keith grumbled without any heat, moving so he could sidle up right next to his partner. Shiro welcomed him with open arms.

They barely had a moment of peace before the door to the bedroom creaked open and an enormous furry projectile launched itself on the bed, deciding that they’d had enough private time and was desperate for attention. The giant Shibu Inu  _boofed_ excitedly, battering Shiro with his tail until the man laughed, giving the furry beast a hearty scratch. “Awww, good morning, Shibro! I guess you’re hungry too, buddy.”

Keith rolled his eyes and tried to find a spot on the bed not currently occupied by dog. “I’m still not calling it that, I can’t believe you.”

“I’m the best at naming things.” Shiro laughed and pulled Keith close as the dog bounded off the bed and raced towards the kitchen with a clack of nails across the hardwood floor. Keith let himself drift as he surrendered himself to his lover’s gentle ministrations, wondering if their furry tenant needed even more food, until Shiro’s hand paused, low on his thigh. Keith tensed, almost imperceptibly, drowsiness fleeing his features, but he kept his eyes stubbornly closed.

“This isn’t one of mine.”

Shiro’s tone was too light, too casual to be convincing as he examined the ugly bruise that bled sickening yellow across his skin, and Keith snorted despite himself. “It’s  _fine._ It’s just work-”

He trailed off, mouth pinched into a thin line. They both knew Keith hadn’t gotten it at the research lab.

“You’re racing again.” Shiro said, trying not to make it sound like an accusation, but Keith bristled anyways, already on the defensive.

“It was just a little race.” Keith pulled the sheets up to hide the bruise, scowling. The job at the lab paid the bills, but it wasn’t a challenge. He’d bounced around from job to job, looking for something that pushed his skills to the limit and everything felt short. They’d both worked their entire lives towards one goal and now that they’d turned their backs on it, Shiro knew he’d been looking for something to fill that void.

The Garrison had offered Shiro a position teaching recruits and he’d found his place as a mentor there. He loved helping the new pilots learn and even if he felt some kind of aching loss every time he looked up at a star-filled sky, he was happy. Keith just never could find that same measure of peace.

The illegal racing was enough to give Keith that rush he was missing, modifying private aircraft and racing across the desert sky. Shiro understood the feeling of having their wings clipped, but Keith put himself at risk just to see how far he could go. And apparently, had gotten hurt this time.

“Just a little race that banged you up. What happened?”

“Nothing happened! I just smacked my leg, it’s only a bruise, Takashi. You’re worrying too much, it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal until you crash.”

“I’m too good to crash.”

That wasn’t true, but it was also a trap. Even after all this time, Shiro still believed Keith was the best pilot he’d ever seen pass through the Garrison, and while he learned to admire his students as well, it was with an objective eye that he read their shortcomings. He’d always believed that Keith belonged on something more agile and more powerful than his hovercrafts. Than anything Earth had to offer.

Keith had every opportunity to return to space. A hero himself, there was no shortage of missions that would have been happy to count him as a member of their crew. Shiro tried his best to be supportive, and yet every time Keith was faced with an offer, he turned it down. Sometimes it took him longer, but the result was always the same. Shiro didn’t know why, but the hollow, distant gaze Keith wore for days after told him that maybe he didn’t want to know.

Shiro refused to rise to the bait now. “I don’t want to fight.”

“Then don’t. I just wanted to spend the morning with my best friend.”  Keith rolling over and pinning him to the mattress. Frustration lined his brow, but he made the conscious effort to smooth it away as he stroked a hand down Shiro’s cheek. Shiro moved into the touch, pressing a kiss to the center of his palm, an apology but not for his opinions. 

“Keith, the Garrison-”

“No.”

“You could at least give them a chance?”

“I thought we weren’t going to fight.”

Shiro sighed and relented. He couldn’t figure out why Keith always reacted so negatively to the Garrison, it had just gotten worse over the years. They were more than willing to offer him a job and if he wasn’t going to chase their dream out into space, the Garrison was a close second, but Keith always refused. He knew that Keith had chafed under the restrictions of the Garrison, especially all those years when he was alone, but there was nothing that happened to earn that sort of hatred.

“Alright. You’re right.” He soothed over the disagreement with kisses until Keith relaxed back against him. “How about I make you something to eat first and we catch up on some of the tv we’ve let sit for the past few weeks before I have to head out to my appointment.”

“If you’re making french toast, then you have yourself a deal.”

“Ah ha, I know the way to your heart.” Shiro teased, scooping Keith up into his arms as the other man yelped in alarm. “But a shower first, I think we could both use one.”

Keith’s laughter followed them all the way to the bathroom. Shiro made sure he wasn’t walking straight by the time they were through.

 

* * *

 

When Shiro made his way to Dr. Miu, his therapist’s office, he had a skip in his step and a tune on his lips, and he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering. They had a good life together, busier than they liked sometimes and more stressful, but good. His good mood persisted through his session. If he had his way, it would have stayed for the rest of the day.

“… And except for that incident, it’s been a good week. Just, just a really good one,” Shiro said, always so candid around the woman who’d become a cornerstone in his life. Dr. Miu had a warmth around her that made him want to open up. She was always supportive and never judgmental, and nothing Shiro said ever seemed to catch her off-guard. “The migraines haven’t hit for a while. I was thinking I could stop my prescription.”

He didn’t hesitate before he made his request. He trusted her, until something in her expression gave him pause.

“Well, that’s certainly good to hear.” She said making a quick note in her notepad, but her smile came slowly. “I don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves just in case, but maybe we could try decreasing the dosage a little bit and see how it goes.”

It wasn’t as much of a milestone as Shiro had hoped, but it was a step in the right direction and that was all that mattered. “Okay, I can live with that.”

“Tell me about how things are going. Everything still alright at home?”

“Better than alright, actually.” Shiro said with a chuckle and leaned forward in the chair. “I always thought my life would be lots of adventure and exploration and I, I guess I miss it a little bit, but it’s nice to have a home and someone to come back to. I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”

“Good!” She seemed so pleased. “It’s good that you’re finally learning to let things go and move on. Can’t have your perfect life if you’re worried about what might have been.”

“I guess.”  _Perfect life_? Something grated at the back of his thoughts and he shook it off before it could bloom into another headache. “Just have to keep looking forward, right? I had something in mind for Keith and I was thinking-”

“That’s a great idea! You should absolutely do it.”

“Huh?”

Dr. Miu just smiled, never flustered like she already knew all the answers. “It’s pretty obvious, Mr. Shirogane. You’ve been in love with him for a very long time.”

“I, I have.” After so long together, Shiro’s decision was hardly groundbreaking, but he assumed that he was the only thinking it. “I just hope he’ll say yes. We’ve talked about it before, but there’s still that chance that maybe…” He trailed off with a shrug.

“He won’t, Mr. Shirogane. Things have a way of working in your favor here.”

Shiro’s lips pursed, a disagreement on the tip of his tongue though he had no idea why it had gotten there. Dr. Miu was watching him with her bright, intelligent eyes, and he had to smile, inwardly shaking himself. “I guess they do. Now if only he’d stop risking his life so much.”

But Keith never would. Shiro knew it as well as he knew his own name. That shouldn’t have comforted him at all, but there was something in that consistency that settled over his thoughts. It was like it belonged there. Keith had to be the fastest, but Shiro didn’t know what he expected him to outrun.

Outside, the sky had grown dark. There appointment was drawing to a close. Dr. Miu stood when he did, and when she reached across to shake his hand, her small palm felt so delicate in his grip, Shiro thought he might break it.

 

* * *

 

When he came home, there was half a piece of leftover french toast on the counter. The rest of the leftovers had migrated to Keith’s plate on the other side of the room. He had his laptop open, balanced on the couch’s arm rest, a habit he couldn’t break, no matter how many times Shiro had warned him about how easy it would be to knock it over. His hair was scooped up into a messy ponytail, and Shiro couldn’t remember if the shirt Keith was wearing was one of his or Keith’s. It made him smile, and if he had any doubts, none were about this.

“Okay, buddy. This is all up to you.” Shiro said, ruffling his dog’s fur. The giant shiba lolled his tongue and Shiro laughed, giving him a little push out towards the living room towards Keith. It didn’t take much before the dog found his prey, trotting over to Keith and leaping up to the couch. 

He hadn’t been a lap dog since he was a puppy, but that never stopped him from trying.

Keith was crushed under an enormous fuzzy backside that knocked his laptop over with a crash and settled happily across his entire body. He flailed, laughing as he was attacked by a drooling tongue and tried to shove the beast off to the floor. “Ack! Noooo, get off. What are you doing?”

“I think he has a present for you.” Shiro leaned in the doorway, arms crossed with a smirk Keith wanted to either smack or kiss. 

“All the crushed bones weren’t enough?”

“Just look, it’s a good present.”

Keith rolled his eyes and sighed, braving the sloppy dog kisses to pull the little box from where it had been tied around Shibro’s collar. He managed to shove the dog to the floor with a thump where Shibro barked happily and battered Keith’s legs with his wagging tail. “Alright, let’s see what the dog brought me.”

He popped open the box and froze, looking up at Shiro in shock.

Shiro had never seen him look quite like that, stunned and hopeful, almost scared, but there was too much heat in his stare for him to brush off.

“Shiro this is…” Keith started, almost too afraid to touch the ring. It was a simple white gold band, bisected down the middle with a thin black line. Simple, understated, something he saw Keith actually wearing. Something he hoped Keith wanted to wear.

“I know we only talked about it a few times,” he started softly, like he thought he could scare Keith off if he wasn’t careful, but it was too late for that. Shiro had already lost his chance at caution, and it  _terrified_  him. But Keith hadn’t run away yet. “But I wanted you to know… This is it for me. This is what I want. This life, our life, it means everything to me, and I’ve never been happier. So that… If that ring means forever, or if it means I get to stay as your terribly inappropriate roommate for just a little while longer, I want you to know I’m not going anywhere.”

Shiro never got to finish. Keith was already on his feet, crossing the room in quick strides. He didn’t seem to notice when his shin smacked against the coffee table, too busy rushing into Shiro’s arms, and then he was kissing him, kissing him like he couldn’t stand to let go, and Shiro was never going to let him.

“So I take it that’s a yes?” Shiro laughed when Keith finally let him up for air. He could feel the flush in his cheeks, heart racing like it could leap right out of his chest.

“Of course it’s a yes, I wasn’t clear?” For a second Keith looked confused, not catching the joke until Shiro lifted him off his feet to kiss him again. “You jerk.”

“I want you to know I love you.”

“You’d better.” Keith’s voice was muffled against Shiro’s chest. “I fell for you all those years ago and I thought you walked on water. When you came back that night… I was so sure you were going to leave and never come back again.”

Shiro gentled, setting Keith down and bumping their noses together. “I will always come back.”

“You’re the only one who ever did. You’re the only real family I’ve ever had, I love you, Takashi.”

They stayed wrapped in each other without a word, whole and happy until Shibro got needy and nearly knocked them both over looking for affection.

 

* * *

 

Dr. Miu was right, this  _was_  the perfect life. Shiro breathed in the crisp cool air with a happy sigh, stretching up towards the sun until his joints cracked. Things had been going well before, but there was something about Keith saying yes to spending the rest of their lives together that made things just that much better. It was like the sun shone brighter, like the colors of the flowers were more vibrant. Shiro had never felt more alive than this moment. They were in love and ready for their happily ever after, how many people got to say that?

He remembered all their milestones. The first night Keith moved in, the first time they co-signed a lease, anniversaries,  _Shibro_. Then there were the less tangible things, how Keith put down roots, slowly deciding what he wanted in their home, demanding more space until it was hard to say who owned what anymore, and all the little things Shiro learned about his partner along the way. Sometimes Shiro didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky. 

Then Shibro tugged on his leash and reminded him that introspection had no place when his furry child wanted to pee.

They had to set a date, pick a cake, put their dog in a tiny tux. Or they could just elope and tell everyone who mattered a month later. There was so much to think about, and Shiro was excited for the chance. He was already planning out his day’s schedule, toying with the idea of surprising Keith for lunch. It was all coming together. If only the day didn’t feel so damn hot.

Shiro wiped a hand across his brow, dragging in an unsteady breath. The air felt thicker, weighed down with humidity like it hadn’t been when he’d left. Left? It must have been the new atmosphere. Their helmets could only do so much. Movement in the corner of his eye made him freeze. A rustle in the underbrush. Broken branches, he had to hurry. They were coming. He had to  _hurry._  They had to-

A piercing, angry shriek echoed through his ears, and the hunt was still on.

“We need help, can anyone read me? Come in!” Shiro banged on the side of his helmet, but there was nothing but static on the com system.

“It’s dead, Shiro.” Keith said, watching the trees warily. The creature was silent, but they knew it was out there, watching them from the underbrush. “We’re on our own.”

They had to get out of here, but with the beast circling, he wasn’t sure which way was safe. They’d only seen one but heard more. Shiro tried to inhale, dragging humid air into his lungs as his arm glowed a bright violet, ready and waiting.

They still weren’t ready for the attack.

Bolts of energy blasted through the jungle. Sleek glossy fur made it look almost shapeless, an insubstantial hunter that could have been made of the shadows it changed from. It lunged for its prey. Shiro slashed at it, but was knocked aside as Keith screamed, blood spraying from the attack.

“KEITH!”

Shiro rolled, bundling the other Paladin onto his back and ran headlong into the forest as the creature thundered behind him. There was no plan, just escape as another shrill cry joined the hunt. He stumbled over a branch, almost sending them both tumbling to the ground, but managed to keep his balance as Keith clung to his back, face twisted in agony.

“They’re too fast.” Keith panted by his ear, risking a look back at the long-limbed shadow beasts who melted and flowed from tree to tree. 

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay, hold on.”

“You can’t outrun them, I’m weighing you down!” He yelled, trying to get Shiro to listen. “Leave me. If you don’t, we’re both dead.”

“I’m not leaving you behind again!” Shiro snapped, refusing to even consider the idea. Neither one of them were going to die today, not yet. Not here. Not so far away from home. He’d promised to protect his friends and he wasn’t going to fail now.

“Shiro-”

“Just hold on and don’t let go!”

They didn’t get far. Their path gave way to a cliff, far too steep to climb down, with a base shrouded in shadow. The only way across was a fallen tree, already rotting where they could see.

“It won’t hold us both.” Keith said. There was a horrible resignation in his tone. It scared Shiro almost as much as the snarls at their back. “You can still get away.”

“No.”  

Shiro tested his footing on their makeshift bridge. It groaned under their weight. Keith was trembling, and there was nothing he could do about it. This would not be how it ended.

Keith’s voice broke on a strangled plea, bitter frustration giving way to something too vulnerable. Shiro didn’t want to hear him like this. He never wanted to hear him like this. “I lost you once. Please Shiro, please, I can’t do it again.”

Shiro wanted to apologize. He couldn’t let go. The monsters were snarling at their backs. Closer and closer every second. The world might fall apart beneath their feet, but if he didn’t have Keith, he couldn’t do any of this. Without Keith, he didn’t have a home to fight for.

“Just don’t look down. We’re almost there.”

They never got halfway across. Old wood creaked and snapped. The last thing he heard was Keith’s scream.

Shiro was thrown through the air, and landed hard on rough asphalt. In the distance, he heard screeching tires and blaring horns. Someone was screaming for an ambulance. The sun was so bright, almost blinding. Shiro had to look away; then Keith was there, safe and whole but terrified.  _I saved you,_  Shiro wanted to say.  _It’s okay. I saved you._

It was his last, clear thought before the darkness swallowed him whole.

 

* * *

 

Pain was the first thing that brought him back, like an ice pick being driven into his skull. He was screaming, he only realized that later when his throat was too raw to make a sound and the nurses had to sedate him. He fought the drugs in his system, trying to claw at his head to make it stop.

“Shiro.” The name floated from somewhere, soothing away the pain as cool hands stroked along his forehead. “Stop fighting, Shiro. They’re only trying to help, you have to let them. Please, Shiro.”

 _Keith_. He relaxed into the touch, pain draining from his body as he tried to fix his pain-blurred eyes on Keith’s shape. “You’re okay?” Shiro’s voice was gravel rough and broken, and Keith shushed him with a kiss.

“Rest, just rest.”

And the world spun into blackness again.

The next time he woke, the pain had dulled to a low throb in the back of his head as Shiro blinked up at the too-bright lights of his hospital room. The walls were too white and the machines beside him beeped softly with each beat of his heart. Keith was by his side before he could croak out a word.

“Hey there, welcome back. Don’t worry, you’re going to be okay.” 

The last time he’d seen Keith, he’d been screaming. He was hurt and they were falling-. Pain lanced through him and Keith squeezed his hand, drawing him back to the present. “Don’t try to move yet, they said that you had some kind of seizure. I’m going to be right here.”

Keith was still in his work shirt, tired and subdued. It bothered Shiro, even more that he was the cause. “I’m okay,” he croaked and couldn’t recognize his own voice. It wasn’t a very convincing argument, and Keith’s lopsided smile told him as much.

Slowly Keith adjusted the pillows underneath him, helping Shiro move into an almost sitting position before helping him sip water through a straw. He was wearing the ring. It was a perfect fit.

“Shibro was barking so much, he could’ve brought the whole neighborhood. That dog’s some kinda hero,” Keith tried to joke, but he wouldn’t stop fussing long enough to sell it.

“I’m not leaving you.” Shiro whispered, putting as much emphasis as he could behind the promise. “Not again.”

“You never have, Shiro.” Keith said with a small, sad smile. “I know you won’t now.”

That was true, but somehow Shiro still felt like a liar. He reached for Keith’s hands, lacing their fingers together and rubbing his thumb along the metal band. Things had been so simple just a few hours ago, he’d been so sure he was better and now he was back at square one. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

“Yes I do, Keith. I’m supposed to be someone you can rely on and I’m not. It’s not getting better, how am I going to be your partner if I keep…whatever this is that’s happening. It’s not fair to you.”

“Don’t you think I get to decide what I want?” Keith squeezed his hand gently. “We’ll do whatever we need to help you, Shiro. We’re a team, that’s what we do… You can trust me.” 

Shiro startled, surprised there could be any doubt. “Keith, I do. I can’t do this without you. You’re the only one who, who really knows me. Of course I trust you.” 

“Then stop pushing me away.”

A knock on the door startled them both and Keith looked back hesitantly. “Your doctor is here. I’ll give the two of you some privacy, but I’ll be right back, okay?”

Shiro nodded, watching the way he left, shoulders hunched with worry and body held tight. This was all his fault, what was wrong with him? Dr. Miu moved to let Keith pass before walking into the room and settling in the chair by the bed.

“The hospital gave me a call when they brought you in. I thought you were doing so much better, Mr. Shirogane.”

“I-I was. I don’t know…”

“You’re always fighting against what you really want.” She cut him off before he could croak another word. “Aren’t you happy? Isn’t this everything you wanted? You have a safe job, a beautiful home, a loving family. I saw him wearing the ring, why aren’t you satisfied?”

What did that have to do with anything? Shiro struggled to sit up, head full of shadowy beasts and Keith’s scream. “It was the same thing I saw on our last mission to the comet. Something happened to me up there, doctor, that’s when it all started falling apart. I need to find out what really happened.”

“Don’t you even care what you’re doing to him?”

Shiro’s expression crumbled. He never meant to hurt Keith, but he couldn’t deny that he was. He worried he held Keith back, kept him from chasing the stars like he always believed he could, but even before that, he’d always made Keith worry about him. Keith gave too much, fought too hard for everyone but himself, and Shiro was pushing him into habits that best belonged in the past.

“I have to find out what’s wrong,” Shiro insisted. “I can’t be with him like this. He needs me. I cant be -”  _broken._

Old fears called to him from a different time, a different place, but they never left, no matter how deeply they were buried. Shiro shuddered like he’d caught a chill.

Dr. Miu touched his arm, and when he looked up, she was smiling at him. It was filled with understanding and patience, but not kindness. “Mr. Shirogane, you’re constantly self-sabotaging yourself and its taking its toll. You’re the only one standing in the way of your happiness. You cannot continue like this. You have to stop punishing yourself. You did nothing wrong.”

“He needs better than this. I could have hurt him.”

“He needs  _you_.” The therapist said soothingly. “He needs you to be here for him, isn’t that what you want?”

 _More than anything_. But the memories of the creature flashed through his mind, the same thing that had haunted him since they landed on the comet all those years ago. It couldn’t be a coincidence, there had to be a connection. Something must have happened to him then and if he could just figure out what, he could fix it. He could be happy with Keith and never have to worry about these hallucinations or nightmares again. Mission control had all the answers. “I’m going to fix this.”

 

* * *

 

Home didn’t feel quite like home anymore, both of them waiting for the other shoe to drop. Keith seemed almost afraid, though Shiro wasn’t sure if it was of him or for him.

“He’s just worried about you.” Hunk said sympathetically, leaning back on the steps of their front porch as he and Shiro watched the dog chase butterflies out in the yard. “We all are.”

“Something happened to me, Hunk. I just have to figure out what. I never used to see things until that last mission, that’s when it all started.”

“Are you really sure?” Hunk asked, shrugging his shoulders like it was the most obvious answer in the world and Shiro hesitated. There’d been dreams but, no. It had to have been the mission. If it wasn’t, then that meant there was something truly wrong with him that he couldn’t fix. The thought was too overwhelming and he clung to hope even as Hunk so easily dashed it aside.

“I think so. It’s the best lead I’ve got.”

“Maybe your therapist is right, Shiro? Maybe you just don’t know a good thing when you’ve got it. You could just… talk to Keith about it? I mean, I think he’d like that.”

“I… can’t.” Admitting it hurt almost as much as the truth did. “Trust me, I know it’s good. That’s why I have to fix this, what kind of partner am I going to be if I’m falling apart on him? He doesn’t… He shouldn’t know how lose I am to it.” Shiro grumbled bitterly. Hunk smiled, but there was a sadness to it that Shiro was sorry to be responsible for.

“You’d be surprised. You’ve just got to learn how to let things go. Worrying about them just makes it worse…”

“And they usually get worse before they get better,” Shiro finished. Something nagged at him at the back of his mind, a tense, anxious thing that even Hunk’s warmest words couldn’t reach, but Hunk made so much difference just by being here. “Hey Hunk…? Thanks. It’s just hard sometimes to talk about things like this, and you’re just the most patient of them a lot of the time.”

“Uh. Of who?”

Shiro didn’t have an answer and he stuttered, rubbing his hand against his forehead. There’s been others, he had been so sure of it a moment ago. Hunk was giving him a pitying look, like he was sorry for him. But that didn’t…

He started as a solid hand clasped his shoulder, looking up into Keith’s worried face.

“Shiro, who are you talking to?”

Shiro meant to reply, but when he turned around, there was no one there.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find Dans's being awesome [here](http://nevertrustastilesthing.tumblr.com/)
> 
> You can find Rune on tumblr at [ Runicscribbles](http://runicscribbles.tumblr.com)


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